Sunday, February 21, 2010

I am really in a rut....

This is going to drone on and on.  So if you are easily bored, you may want to leave now.

I usually have something upbeat to post, but not today.  I have felt really down for the past week or so.  I am not sure if it's the weather or my hormones or what. I finally finished a little project at home that I have been working on for some time, so I am hoping my mood improves from that.  I just don't feel like doing anything.  ANYTHING! 

Now there is a new position posted at my company that I am contemplating, and I feel so unsure of myself - I just don't know what to do, and it is tearing me up.

When I started at the Asylum, we had a Project Management Office (PMO), and the Manager of that office hired me.  Through a series of reorganizations, that position was eliminated, and now I work for an engineering director.  My previous manager is still at the Asylum, and he has been promoted, so he is doing well.  I liked my old boss, I like my new boss - no complaints there. 

Now there is a position posted for a PMO Manager, and I just don't know what to do.  I love managing projects!  And right now I have two gentleman who report to me, and they are just awesome!  Why are they awesome?  Because they are so self sufficient that they manage themselves!  I don't have to worry about them!  They get me involved when they need someone to fight a battle for them, and they just don't have the time.  Perfect for me!  But this new position will have all of the Project Managers reporting to it as well as a few others. 

Honestly I decided a long time ago that I wasn't necessarily interested in moving up the corporate ladder.  I like to say what I think!  I like to be a part of the engineering teams that get the products into production!  I like to push my project teams so make stuff! 

Why would I even be interested in this new position? Well, I am very concerned about who may be hired for this new role.  I want a manager who is going to push for me, my projects, and all of the other project managers;  I do not want a pushover who is easily bullied.  I want someone who is going to promote Project Management throughout the organization.  I KNOW that I can do that!  But at what cost?  Will I still be able to manage projects?  I am not sure.  What if this role takes me away from working closely with the engineers?  More importantly, what if I am really NOT strong enough to lead at a higher level? 

My BFF Emilio and I have talked about all of this.  He thinks I need to have a plan for how to "fix" things.  I am not even strong enough to tell Emilio my ideas for how to "fix" things at the Asylum for fear that he will think they are terrible!  And I have another dear friend at the Asylum who has already told me she doesn't think I should go for this position because it will take me away from what I really like to do. Honestly, I don't believe that is why she is dissuading me - She would report to this new position, and we are friends.  For a variety of reasons, I don't think she wants to report to me.  But all of this makes me more unsure.

I am going to meet with my VP of Engineering tomorrow to talk a little more about this position.  Please keep me in your thoughts.  I really need to summon some confidence before that meeting!


Law Momma said...

Hmmm... tough position to be in. I have no advice, but lots of support to offer!

Emilio said...

I think you can absolutely do the job and do it well. The toughest part is deciding what you want to do when you grow up…do you want to manage people or projects? Opportunities like this don’t come along that often - I think you will regret it later if you don’t go for it. Throw yourself out there and see what happens…your biggest enemy is you - meaning your self confidence. I’m there for you either way - you’re an excellent project manager, I think you would also be an excellent manager of project managers.