This is going to drone on and on. So if you are easily bored, you may want to leave now.
I usually have something upbeat to post, but not today. I have felt really down for the past week or so. I am not sure if it's the weather or my hormones or what. I finally finished a little project at home that I have been working on for some time, so I am hoping my mood improves from that. I just don't feel like doing anything. ANYTHING!
Now there is a new position posted at my company that I am contemplating, and I feel so unsure of myself - I just don't know what to do, and it is tearing me up.
When I started at the Asylum, we had a Project Management Office (PMO), and the Manager of that office hired me. Through a series of reorganizations, that position was eliminated, and now I work for an engineering director. My previous manager is still at the Asylum, and he has been promoted, so he is doing well. I liked my old boss, I like my new boss - no complaints there.
Now there is a position posted for a PMO Manager, and I just don't know what to do. I love managing projects! And right now I have two gentleman who report to me, and they are just awesome! Why are they awesome? Because they are so self sufficient that they manage themselves! I don't have to worry about them! They get me involved when they need someone to fight a battle for them, and they just don't have the time. Perfect for me! But this new position will have all of the Project Managers reporting to it as well as a few others.
Honestly I decided a long time ago that I wasn't necessarily interested in moving up the corporate ladder. I like to say what I think! I like to be a part of the engineering teams that get the products into production! I like to push my project teams so make stuff!
Why would I even be interested in this new position? Well, I am very concerned about who may be hired for this new role. I want a manager who is going to push for me, my projects, and all of the other project managers; I do not want a pushover who is easily bullied. I want someone who is going to promote Project Management throughout the organization. I KNOW that I can do that! But at what cost? Will I still be able to manage projects? I am not sure. What if this role takes me away from working closely with the engineers? More importantly, what if I am really NOT strong enough to lead at a higher level?
My BFF Emilio and I have talked about all of this. He thinks I need to have a plan for how to "fix" things. I am not even strong enough to tell Emilio my ideas for how to "fix" things at the Asylum for fear that he will think they are terrible! And I have another dear friend at the Asylum who has already told me she doesn't think I should go for this position because it will take me away from what I really like to do. Honestly, I don't believe that is why she is dissuading me - She would report to this new position, and we are friends. For a variety of reasons, I don't think she wants to report to me. But all of this makes me more unsure.
I am going to meet with my VP of Engineering tomorrow to talk a little more about this position. Please keep me in your thoughts. I really need to summon some confidence before that meeting!
Woman in the Mirror
1 week ago