Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Dear Husbands Everywhere...

The Mommyologist had the most awesome post yesterday called Dear Husbands Everywhere.  I have decided to add  to her letters.

Please keep in mind that the following letters are fictional and do not depict any actual person or event (Thanks Law and Order - doink doink).


Dear Husbands Everywhere:
"Helping" with the laundry does not include taking it out of the dryer and dumping big piles of clean, unfolded laundry on the pool table. I suspect that you will not like it when your clean clothes are folded in a similar fashion and dumped on the floor next to your side of the bed.

Love, Your Adoring Wives

Dear Husbands Everywhere:
It has become apparent that you have some type of bowel obstruction since it seems to take you 30 minutes and a magazine to do your business in the bathroom. When you have finished with said business, it would be much appreciated if you left the bathroom in the same condition in which you found it - i.e clean any bodily fluids or any other material off the toilet and out of the toilet bowl.
Love, Your Adoring Wives

Dear Husbands Everywhere:
I believe you are fully capable of sorting the mail and throwing away the junk without checking with me - I trust you on this! You do not need to leave piles (and piles) of mail stacked on every flat surface of the kitchen. If you are unable to fit the junk mail into the garbage can because it is overflowing, please feel free to take out the garbage. You do not need to wait for me to ask you to take out the trash - I trust you on this too!
Love, Your Adoring Wives


Dear Husbands Everywhere:
I am sure that many of you have lovely mothers, but for those of you who don't (and you know who you are) please tell your mothers that your wives are fully capable of rearing children without unsolicited advice.  I realize that many of you probably don't understand the magnitude of the problem when you mothers are not nice or are disrespectful  to your wives.  You need to Man-up! 
Love, Your Adoring Wives

13 comments:

Law Momma said...

OMG YES YES and OH HECK YES. I love it. All of it. (As usual)

Andrea said...

Cybil, Those are awesome! I especially like the one about the trash. What's up with that? That is TOTALLY supposed to be the man's job.

Kaffeine Addict said...

Oh I have one of those too...well actually my hubby is rather good round the house,

although he has the most annoying habit of sorting out cupboards...pulls everything out...cleans it, starts sorting through the junk ( his mainly ) then looks and says...ooh i'm bored now..WALKS AWAY AND I END UP STUFFING ALL THE JUNK BACK IN THE CUPBOARD !!!

The Mommyologist said...

LOVE this!!! Especially that last one. I swear that I feel like my husband is married to his mother instead of me. She is SUCH a witch and thinks that I'm a drunk pretentious bitch because I have a cleaning lady and like my wine, and don't even get me started on what she says about what I do with my son!!!

Jen @ After The Alter said...

hahahah funny! I"m going to have to put this up on the After The alter facebook fan page because I think people will like it! :)

Crazed Mama said...

Love these! My husband thinks cleaning the kitchen only involves doing the dishes. Forget the counters and gasp....the floor!

Laura said...

OMG I was laughing so hard when I read your 2nd letter.

Dana @ Bungalow'56 said...

Just loved your comment over at Spilled Milk. So nice to read a mom's blog with children who are out of diapers. I will be back to many visits!

Dana @ Bungalow'56 said...

that should read...back for many more visits.
I hate typos. They'll be the end of me yet.

hotpants™ said...

My husband keeps stacks of mail around the house too. What drives me the most insane isn't that he doesn't open any of it? If you're not going to open it and look at it, why the hell do you need to save it? UGH!

My Mercurial Nature said...

Loved these, they were spot on...and I'm printing out the one re: mothers (in law). Then I'm stapling it to my husbands forehead!

Shell said...

Totally cracking up at this. Oh, the bathroom one. Seriously, WHAT takes them so long in there???

MrsDixon said...

Yes girl! What is with all these men being so crazy? I love your blog!