Friday, July 30, 2010

Update... (with a little venting)

I must say - I might be the most naive person on the face of the earth... 

I am certainly aware that divorce can be ugly...  My parents divorced when I was very young and their relationship was...  strained to say the least.  But I really really believed that the Enginerd and I would be mature adults about all of this. 

Well - I can now see why sooo many divorces go sour!  For the last 17 years, I have paid the bills, invested our money, managed the savings, made sure the kids have college accounts and savings accounts.  In addition, nobody in our household has ever wanted for anything EVER!  Why would I all of a sudden want to cheat the Enginerd??  WHY?  I have no f'n idea, but apparently I do!

I have tried to be fair - agreeing to split everything down the middle; underestimating the value of assets so that the Enginerd didn't have to come up with too much in a settlement; not forcing a sale of any assets or properties that may be held dear.

What has being nice gotten me??   Not a fucking thing!  I just want this to be OVER NOW! 

We are in the middle of a 90 day waiting period.  There are 62 days remaining until the end of this waiting period (not that I am counting or anything?!?!?!).  In theory at day 91, if all the paperwork is complete between the attorneys, we could sign the agreements, and then the attorneys just need to get a judges signature/approval.  I really believed that this would all be done by the end of October - by Thanksgiving at the latest.   Now - I am not so sure.

To be clear, my mind is not changing!  I do not want to go back!  The people who know me - really know me - have noticed a huge change in my disposition.  I am actually happy again - and it feels effortless!  Even with all the stress in my life right now - I am happy!  WOW - it feels so good to say that! 

This weekend, I am starting to move out of the house to a condo nearby.  The moving truck will come next week to hopefully wrap up the move.  I keep telling myself to just get through this move - everything will be better once I am out of the house. 

I am just going to continue sitting in a fetal position, rocking back and forth, mumbling to myself now...

9 comments:

Dazee Dreamer said...

I don't want to add to your vent, but what a dick your x is. And are you both moving out of the house? Kudo's to you for getting your own place so you can start anew. errrrr, I'm just so pissed that he is treating you that way.

Facie said...

I check in on your blog every now and again. Your posts are great. I am, however, sorry to recently read about your troubles.

You are on a tough road, for sure. I am not sure how mature and nice I could be about the whole thing if I were to go through it; my husband and I don't fight nice now! But it has always seemed odd to me when people divorce perfectly amicably and remain friends. I mean it is great if you can, particularly when you have kids, but if you got along so well to begin with, then why not stay together?

I wish you and your kids the best. Try to hang in there. If you are happy, that is important. Life is too short to be otherwise too much of the time.

Law Momma said...

Divorce brings out the ugly.

Hang in there, mamabear.

Karen said...

Yep, divorce can bring out the ugly. Just wanted to let you know that I'm sending you good vibes.

gayle said...

Change is a very hard thing even when we want it! Just keep remembering you are happy!!

JillyB said...

So sorry to hear you're going through a tough time...I've been out of pocket and am just now catching up. Stay strong and I love it that you're happy. Just wait until you're in your new place! It will be even better.

Take care and do something really nice for yourself...get a massage, a pedicure or take a few days and head out to the country with a good friend, bottle of wine and no phone!

The Crazy Baby Mama said...

you are badass and brave.

Kristy said...

Ugh, so sorry you are going through that. I can't imagine how hard it is. Hang in there! Don't let the bastards get you down!

sarah said...

divorce is almost but not always ugly. I'll keep hoping for your sake that it settles and doesn't get all drawn out. Mine is 2 plus years right now and we are waiting (5 weeks now) for the final decision from the judge. Apparently in our state a judge has 90 days to give their ruling after the final hearing. Yep my kids are so so over all this and just want it done.