Friday, August 27, 2010

Well it final happened...

Remember a couple of weeks ago I mentioned I was only mildly pissed off??  Well, I have reached my breaking point and am now completely pissed off!!

I was with the Enginerd for 25 years...  Yes - you read correctly 25 YEARS!  So we have been through alot together...  And I KNOW he is a good person at heart, and I thought that he knew that about me.  I also thought his family knew that about me. 

But yesterday I read an email that I was not supposed to see in which the Enginerd called me a "stupid bitch" because I didn't make my daughter try on her new school clothes BEFORE the first day of school.  And my soon to be ex father in law replied with (and I quote), "What is wrong with her?  I guess she doesn't give a shit."

For the record, I TRIED to get our very strong willed daughter to try her clothes on before the first day of school, and I DO give a shit...  (Thought I should throw that in just in case there was any question!)

Why would such an email exchange like this even bother me?  I will tell you why...  I have an enormous amount of respect for my Father-In-Law.  He is a good man!  And when I was really down and out many years ago, he and my Mother-In-Law were there for me (this was long before the Enginerd and I got married).

Don't get me wrong, we have had our share of disagreements - no doubt.  But underneath all of that, I thought of him as a true fatherly figure.  So when I saw that email, I completely broke down.

It was bad enough that the Enginerd called me a "stupid bitch", but honestly I can deal with that...  He is mad at me - he is going to be mad at me for a very long time.   The comment by my Father-In-Law cut like a knife.

But the story doesn't end there...  A couple of weeks ago, the Enginerd and I went to my therapist together.  He wanted to talk about some things, and that is a safe environment that I suggested.

During that session, he made his "last ditch effort" at a reconciliation.  He claimed that his family is behind us and will be supportive if we choose to get back together.  Really??  Not that I was considering a reconciliation, but that email didn't sound very supportive to me.

Then, the Enginerd took our children to Florida for a vacation for a week, and during that entire time, I couldn't get him to return my phone calls...  I had to practically order him to have the kids call me.  The entire week was extremely upsetting to me.

So I have a letter to the Enginerd...

Dear Enginerd:
     I am done with your mind games.  I realize that you are upset and I am equally upset.  But I am done allowing you to take advantage of me and this situation.  I will continue to make sure the kids call you every night when they are with me, and I hope that you will keep your word and do the same when the children are with you.
     I would like to remind you that you are not to malign me to our children.  And I would urge you to make sure your family understands that.  I will continue to cooperate with you regarding any aspect of our childrens lives - we both love them and they are the priority.
     However, I have decided that trying to be "fair" with you regarding a financial settlement is not working.  I think we should probably be sure that we are splitting our assets equitably and I am investigating exactly how we can do that. 
     Regretfully, Me   

11 comments:

Shell said...

That all sounds so stressful. And what silly things for them to email.

Pamela said...

It's so hard when there are kids involved. My husband and I went through this a few years back, the papers were filed and the date was set. We have since reconciled but OMG the fighting, the struggling, the name calling, using the kids against each other... All very inexcusable. Hit me up if you ever want to chat. I've been through it.

Christy said...

what a stupid thing for them to email over and be pissy about. I'm sorry this is happening so horribly for you.

Dazee Dreamer said...

omg, I hope to hell he doesn't malign the kids against you. I hate that in divorces

Stacey said...

Blood is thicker than water! You know that saying. His family will ALWAYS take his side, and it doesn't matter what he does. I know it's hurtful.

It just sounds like he needed something to complain about. I can't remember the last time my guy was concerned about the girls trying their clothes on???

Keep your chin up, and always be the better person.

Law Momma said...

I'm so very sorry you're having to go through all of this.

Big hugs.

sarah said...

been there, done that...oh wait...no...I am there, I am still doing that! It is horrible. I love(d) my ex father in law. He is an incredible man. I would love to have him as a confidant and friend 'cause my dad just can't be there for me. I hated hated hated losing my ex father in law. He was one of the reasons I waited so long to file. I felt I needed him. I'm sorry girl, sorry about the divorce, sorry about the name calling, sorry about all the hatred and bitterness and ugly. I hope Enginerd is better than my ex, he's been making this ugly and dragging it out for two years now and we still aren't final. We no longer have any assets, it's just custody we are disputing. He wants them all 100% of the time and wants to move out of state. NOT ok with me. He too has a good heart and isn't a horrible person just horrible to me right now. Good luck dear. You need someone to vent to that won't hold it against enginerd, or you, email me...

Kristy said...

I have heard others going through divorce so shocked at their soon to be ex's behavior toward them. I cannot imagine how awful it is. I'm sorry you are going through this!

Kimi said...

Isn't divorce grand! I feel your pain, sister!

Jenn said...

What horrible and shameful behavior on the part of your father-in-law. While I can certainly understand that he may also be feeling grief over this situation, maligning you in any way is simply not acceptable - particularly if he expects to continue to be a part of your childrens' lives. I understand that you have probably been erring on the side of being amiable for a lot of different reasons, but please remember that you have EVERY RIGHT to defend yourself and to demand respectful behavior from your ex and his family. I am truly sorry that you have to go through this...these situations can bring out someone's true colors and unfortunately they are sometimes rather ugly.

Terry said...

So so stressful!! I wish you peace already and you do what you must do for YOU and YOUR KIDS...worry about nobody else, k?? Hang in there!