I must say - I might be the most naive person on the face of the earth...
I am certainly aware that divorce can be ugly... My parents divorced when I was very young and their relationship was... strained to say the least. But I really really believed that the Enginerd and I would be mature adults about all of this.
Well - I can now see why sooo many divorces go sour! For the last 17 years, I have paid the bills, invested our money, managed the savings, made sure the kids have college accounts and savings accounts. In addition, nobody in our household has ever wanted for anything EVER! Why would I all of a sudden want to cheat the Enginerd?? WHY? I have no f'n idea, but apparently I do!
I have tried to be fair - agreeing to split everything down the middle; underestimating the value of assets so that the Enginerd didn't have to come up with too much in a settlement; not forcing a sale of any assets or properties that may be held dear.
What has being nice gotten me?? Not a fucking thing! I just want this to be OVER NOW!
We are in the middle of a 90 day waiting period. There are 62 days remaining until the end of this waiting period (not that I am counting or anything?!?!?!). In theory at day 91, if all the paperwork is complete between the attorneys, we could sign the agreements, and then the attorneys just need to get a judges signature/approval. I really believed that this would all be done by the end of October - by Thanksgiving at the latest. Now - I am not so sure.
To be clear, my mind is not changing! I do not want to go back! The people who know me - really know me - have noticed a huge change in my disposition. I am actually happy again - and it feels effortless! Even with all the stress in my life right now - I am happy! WOW - it feels so good to say that!
This weekend, I am starting to move out of the house to a condo nearby. The moving truck will come next week to hopefully wrap up the move. I keep telling myself to just get through this move - everything will be better once I am out of the house.
I am just going to continue sitting in a fetal position, rocking back and forth, mumbling to myself now...
Reluctant Whole 30 Diary Day 12
4 hours ago