I was with the Enginerd for 25 years... Yes - you read correctly 25 YEARS! So we have been through alot together... And I KNOW he is a good person at heart, and I thought that he knew that about me. I also thought his family knew that about me.
But yesterday I read an email that I was not supposed to see in which the Enginerd called me a "stupid bitch" because I didn't make my daughter try on her new school clothes BEFORE the first day of school. And my soon to be ex father in law replied with (and I quote), "What is wrong with her? I guess she doesn't give a shit."For the record, I TRIED to get our very strong willed daughter to try her clothes on before the first day of school, and I DO give a shit... (Thought I should throw that in just in case there was any question!)
Why would such an email exchange like this even bother me? I will tell you why... I have an enormous amount of respect for my Father-In-Law. He is a good man! And when I was really down and out many years ago, he and my Mother-In-Law were there for me (this was long before the Enginerd and I got married).Don't get me wrong, we have had our share of disagreements - no doubt. But underneath all of that, I thought of him as a true fatherly figure. So when I saw that email, I completely broke down.
It was bad enough that the Enginerd called me a "stupid bitch", but honestly I can deal with that... He is mad at me - he is going to be mad at me for a very long time. The comment by my Father-In-Law cut like a knife.
But the story doesn't end there... A couple of weeks ago, the Enginerd and I went to my therapist together. He wanted to talk about some things, and that is a safe environment that I suggested.During that session, he made his "last ditch effort" at a reconciliation. He claimed that his family is behind us and will be supportive if we choose to get back together. Really?? Not that I was considering a reconciliation, but that email didn't sound very supportive to me.
Then, the Enginerd took our children to Florida for a vacation for a week, and during that entire time, I couldn't get him to return my phone calls... I had to practically order him to have the kids call me. The entire week was extremely upsetting to me.
So I have a letter to the Enginerd...
Dear Enginerd:
I am done with your mind games. I realize that you are upset and I am equally upset. But I am done allowing you to take advantage of me and this situation. I will continue to make sure the kids call you every night when they are with me, and I hope that you will keep your word and do the same when the children are with you.I would like to remind you that you are not to malign me to our children. And I would urge you to make sure your family understands that. I will continue to cooperate with you regarding any aspect of our childrens lives - we both love them and they are the priority.
However, I have decided that trying to be "fair" with you regarding a financial settlement is not working. I think we should probably be sure that we are splitting our assets equitably and I am investigating exactly how we can do that.
Regretfully, Me
