I am marrying a widower with 2 little girls. The entire situation presents a very interesting dynamic.
El Director lost his first wife; the girls lost their mother. They mourn that loss.
I lost my first husband, though not because of death. And my children lost their intact family. We mourn that loss.
We all will continue to mourn our individual losses. However, we are all moving forward as a family. and WE ARE HAPPY! Can you believe it? Yes - we are all happy to be together!
I do not expect my new stepchildren to forget their mother. However, I need to point out that I am the one who will raise them... I am the one who will wipe their tears; hold them when they are sick; attend their school functions; cheer them on at their soccer games. I am the one who has embraced these little girls as if they are my own to try to make them feel whole again... to make them feel the unconditional love of a Mom...
There are some things that annoy me greatly and I have no other outlet for them...
- I am annoyed when Mother's Day is hijacked. I am annoyed when there are ceremonies or remembrances occurring and I am not included. In fact, not only am I not included, I am not even told about these events... At the end of the day - I became the second best Mom. There are 365 days in the year - pick any other day to make me the second best Mom... Incidentally, I think next year we are eliminating Mother's Day from our family calendar.
- I am very annoyed when people try to prolong the mourning. Is that insensitive?? Well - I don't care! I wish people would stop trying to find new and innovative ways to remember El Directors first wife. Otherwise I may have to find new and innovative ways to commemorate my first husband as well.
- Do not feel sorry for El Director and my step-daughters. This kind of goes along with prolonging the mourning... Is it so far-fetched to believe that El Director could actually be happy with anyone than his first wife??
- No - we are not going to have any kind of dedication to El Directors first wife at our wedding. The same way we will not be having any kind of dedication to my first husband.