Monday, May 16, 2011

A quick follow-up...

Well, well, well...  apparently I have touched a nerve.  I must say that those of you who know me know that the idea of stirring up controversy is actually kind of fun for me!   Just to be clear...  this blog is MY outlet...  I reserved my comments for a very long time on this blog, but no more.  What I write here are my un-edited thoughts.

That being said, I would like to address some of your comments personally...  Oh - wait a minute - I can't reply to you personally because you don't have the balls to leave your email address!  Cyberspace is a wonderful thing isn't it...  You can talk all kinds of trash, and not be held accountable.  How nice for you!  So I guess I will address you here so that everyone can read what I want to say to you...

Do not pretend to know me, my husband, my step-children, or my children on the basis of one blog post.  I was not even specific about the incident on Mother's Day...  NONE of you even know any of the details.  But to clear up any ambiguity, my husband was also shell-shocked and not pleased about what happened. 

I never, EVER said that I was trying to erase the memory of my step-children's mother.  In fact, you may be surprised to know that I have very loving and in-depth conversations with my step-daughters about their mother - sometimes more in-depth conversations with them than their father because they are very comfortable talking to me about her.  The children did not know that I was upset on Mother's Day - I would never make them feel uncomfortable or self-conscious about talking about their mother. 

Would you be surprised to know we have a tree in the backyard to memorialize her, and that tree will be uprooted and moved to our new home so that we can have the memorial at our new family home.  Would you be surprised to know that we went to that tree on their mother's birthday and each said something to her?  Even me - the wicked evil step-mother!

I love comments!  LOVE THEM!  I love hearing from people on this blog, and I have made many friends through this blog.  But for those of you who have never read my blog before, or don't know me personally, DO NOT presume to know my situation.  And if you do not have the testicular fortitude to leave an email address so that I can contact you personally, then don't bother commenting!

I will continue to vent on this blog!  And I welcome your responses to my rants!

5 comments:

Erma Reincarnated said...

You go girl! I love your thoughts and your honesty. I think more power to you for bringing it out in the open rather than burying it in resentment which will only fester.

Also, from someone who has been in the girl's situation with losing a parent, I think encouraging moving on is a very healthy path. Forgetting and moving on are two entirely different things. Stay strong!

Theresa said...

what you did say is that you don't want to be the second best mom. You should want to be the best mom that you can be, but being the first best mom should not be the priority. there is no replacement for a deceased parent. I wish it was that easy.

I was not trying to be mean but hoping that you would consider what you are saying and that the internet is in ink and how would the girls feel if they read what you said about doing away with Mother's Day next year in your house. Or about prolonging the mourning. The mourning will always be there. You can cancel any holiday you want but there will be (and should be) some thought of their mother on those days.

You seem rather defensive and mean. My post was not meant to be mean nor was it rude. I can just empathize because I have been there. My mother remarried, and while she is happy, and I am happy for her there is no replacement for my father no matter what the step-father does for me or says to me. It just is not the same.

Again, you chose divorce. Those girls had no choice and I hope they do love you and that you are a happy family. Just trying to let you know that things can't be wrapped up as quickly as you want them to be.

I am glad you are moving the tree. I am sure there is both relief and stress in leaving the house they lived in with their mom. I think the tree is a nice way to still remember her, and it is nice that you can do that as a family.

Theresa said...

I did not mean to offend you, just thought maybe you needed someone to point out that divorce and death are very very different. And that the mourning process for a parent is probably measured in years not in months.

For your husband to move on is expected. A spouse can be replaced, a parent can not. Ever.

It is fantastic that your step daughters are able to talk to you. I sincerely hope that continues. However, I would like to point out that, as they say, the internet is written in ink. Is this something you would want your step daughters to read? That mother's day will be canceled in your household? I would guess not. Or that your pain from a divorce that you wanted (and recovered from rather quickly) is the same as watching their mom go through a terrible illness and die is the same thing?

Whatever happened mother's day must have been really really awful for such a reaction. I would just guess that the person wanting to keep these memories alive also loved the girls' mother. Did it every occur to you that it was FOR her, and her daughters and not AGAINST you?

mary.newman said...

ha, ha, I love it. Go girl. Chicken on the internet.

Heidi said...

I'm curious why you erased the original post that started all of this.

This blog is yours to do whatever you want with, but when you keep a reply post that says how people "talked trash" about things you wrote and defend yourself, while eliminating the original one, it's a little suspicious. What are we to think? Make yourself sound attacked, and take away the words you said to have us come to that conclusion. That's not very nice.

And it was you that chose to make this all public in a blog. I don't give my private e-mail addy to strangers, sorry. If you want some sort of dialogue, that can be taken care of in your blog, isn't that what it's for??

Theresa, I have no idea who you are, but you hit it all right on. Thanks for putting into words what I couldn't.

El Director, if you're reading this, please keep your little girls safe from the world and all things in it.

Now lets see if this will all be erased....